3 Months old, back to work and Christmas....

Well, it's been quite some time since I last blogged - I guess time is slipping by too quickly. Since my last entry Meredith has turned 3 months old, I had a very busy last week of maternity leave, I've had my first week back to work, Meredith's had her first week at daycare and we celebrated our first Christmas together as a family. So here are some of the highlights.

My last week of maternity leave was a very busy one. I had two lunches with friends, an evening with a friend and some other mothers, a happy hour with friends, a visit to my daycare, a visit to a dear friend to meet her new little baby boy and a trip down to Blue Earth. The business definitely kept me from having too much time to think about my upcoming return to work. I'm certainly going to miss my lazy days with my daughter and my weekly lunches with friends!

I've actually been back to Blue Earth twice in the past 2 and a half weeks. The first time was Thurs. Dec 17th through Saturday the 19th and Jon and I (and Meri, of course) went back for Christmas, left Christmas day and returned today. Every time I leave Blue Earth, I find myself very emotional. I think I enjoy the comfort of my own parents helping me, as well as constantly being surrounded by my family (siblings, parents, grandma). There is always something going on, someone to talk to, someone to help me out and someone - more experienced than myself, to tell me that I'm doing a good job. Now, I won't be back to Blue Earth for a whole month, which is a very long time considering the fact that I've been back there at least every other week, if not every week, since Meredith was born. I'm sure Jon and I will manage - but I am already counting down the days until my return....

We've celebrated about 4 Christmases this year. The first one was at my father's in Fairmont on Dec. 19th. My siblings, step-bro and his family, dad, step-mom and Gma Pfaffinger were all in attendance. It was very nice. We had a traditional holiday meal, followed by Meredith's first present opening. Unfortunately, we had the worst breastfeeding experience to date as everyone else was opening presents. Meredith didn't really stop crying longer than a few seconds. I think she was overtired and overstimulated from all the kids and the commotion. I should've just given her a bottle and now I will always do so when we're somewhere that isn't quiet and serene. I think both of us will be happier. Other than that, I really enjoyed helping Meredith open Christmas presents and my father and step-mother were very generous. She got a lot of great toys, as well as a few outfits. Jon and I got giftcards and gift certificate to the Chanhassen Dinner Theater. I look forward to using them for an evening out with my hubby!

The second Christmas was just Jon, myself and Meredith at home on Christmas Eve. I did work that day, but Jon was able to stay home and get us ready to go to Blue Earth the next day as well as get something put together for a nice dinner. We had a great evening opening the few presents for each other and for Meredith... eating ribs and roasted potatoes and watching my favorite Christmas movie, "Love Actually"!

Then we headed down to Blue Earth on Christmas day, and yes the roads were not that excellent. It was snowing wet snow and there were areas with quite a bit of slush, but Jon drove slowly and carefully and we made it to Blue Earth in 40 more minutes than the usual. I'm glad we went because as you can probably tell, my family is very important to me. That evening we celebrated with my siblings, mom, step-dad, Gma Wickersham and we step-dad's two daughters and their families. It was the first time all of my mom and step-dad's children and families have been together at Christmas (because my step-sister Kara and her family live in Texas!). So it was very special. We had appetizers and libations, the "older" kids played nicely together in the basement, while the adults visited upstairs. Meredith received a nice activity table from my parents and cute outfits from my sister. And we even experimented with Meri's bedtime, keeping her up with us until midnight - so we could play "Catch Phrase" with the whole family. She ended up sleeping and eating during her usual hours with no problem... we had a great time!

Then the next morning we had our final Christmas at my Gma Wickersham's. It was everyone from the night before plus my my mom's only brother and his family - a total of 23 people! We had egg bake and mimosas, as well as sweet breads and pastries. It hit the spot. Then there were more presents. Meredith got an Exersaucer from my Gma Wick, as well as clothes and some money we can put into her College Fund (something Jon and I started for her as a gift!) We all needed naps that afternoon, but it was a great way to start the day!

Now a little bit on Miss Meredith. She is still growing, slowly, but surely. I still worry about her getting enough to eat, but I'm keeping track of her weight weekly just to make sure we're going in the right direction. She still has her fussy spells, but I think Jon and I are figuring out what they mean. Usually if she fusses, she's either hungry or tired. Lately we can predict that after being awake for about an hour to an hour and a half, she gets tired and needs a nap. And lately that means we swaddle her, put her in her crib, turn on her mobile and some white noise, give her her pacifier and she's out for about 45 minutes. We have had a few episodes in the evening when she didn't get a nap and she gets so overtired that she cries and cries and it takes a good half hour to calm her down to go to bed (one episode was last night, it was awful, plus we couldn't get her to eat much and she has a cold so she can't breathe that well - I felt SO bad for her!) But we do both think that her fussiness is decreasing gradually. She smiles a lot more and can be happy and awake, which we cherish. I think we've even got her to giggle a little bit. She is definitely starting to reach and grab and she is very interested in what's going on around her! I hope this pattern continues and I look forward to her being awake more along with being happy while being awake!

Now: work and daycare. So far, so good. I had been apprehensive about going back to work - as all mother's are, but I have to say I really love my job. A week before my return to work, I was able to go out for some drinks with some friends and coworkers and I started feeling better about going back to work (I also had fun having my third night out without the babe, while Jon graciously watched her, fed her twice and got her off to sleep before I returned at 11pm). I worked 3 days last week and I can't believe how quickly things came back to me and how much I enjoyed seeing my coworkers and just doing my job. It's almost a welcome break to my constant worry about Meredith. Plus I feel really good about the daycare that Meredith is at. It's a New Horizon's center in downtown Minneapolis. I had visited a couple of times before going back to work and spent time talking with her teacher's. And while at work I call a couple times a day to check in and they claim she isn't fussy at all and have no problems with her. She takes her bottles and is more or less content. It's hard for me to believe, but it makes me feel happy that is going so well for her. And pumping at work is actually enjoyable and almost relaxing.

The only unenjoyable thing is how much less sleep I get. I really can't complain too much because Meri still sleeps from about 10:30 or 11pm until 4:30am, but if I didn't have to go to work, we'd go back to sleep until about 10am (waking up one other time to feed her at about 8am). So I'm getting about 5 hours of sleep, though her restlessness does rouse me a few times during the night, so it really isn't uninterrupted. But I'm trying to take naps with her in the evening, so far unsuccessfully because I just can't seem to fall asleep, and I drink a bit more caffeine then I did before. I know this is what all parents have to do, but I wish my job didn't start so darn early in the morning. Meri seems to have my ability to sleep, so I can only hope to get more sleep in the future. Plus on my days off so far, she's gone right back to her old sleep routine, allowing me to catch up. We'll see how long this lasts!

So, all is basically well. Meri's doing great in daycare. She takes her bottles well. I still love my job. Her fussiness may be getting a bit better. But there is a few bits of bad news.... she currently has her first cold and it's making feeding a bit harder and she seems super tired all the time and we still have a fair amount of difficulty breastfeeding - sometimes I just stop and we get a bottle, but we're coping with both of these issues. I have a bunch of pictures to upload and it's about time to feed Meredith, so I must get going. I hope to post again soon and I hope everyone else had a great holiday season!

Jen and her darling boy, Brady

Meredith's first Christmas present, at my dad's

My dad holding Meredith

Opening presents with Meredith at home on Christmas Eve

All my family and my stepdad's family on Christmas night

Family photo on Christmas (my sister's husband Andrew and their son Brooks in the background)

Present from Gma and Gpa Lacher, looks like fun

Me, my Gma Wick and Meredith

Holding my nephew, and Godson, Brooks - at 4 months he weighs 19 lb (quite a difference from my 12 lb, 3month old!)

My entire Wickersham side

Huge present from Gma Wick, Excersaucer!!

Busy, busy, busy....

Wow! It is darn hard to keep up to date with this blog. Kudos to all of you who are so much better at the updates than I. And I know it's only going to get harder as I am starting work in 5.5 days.... (more on that in a moment). If there is one thing I'm learning is that I just need to go with the flow!

Last week I headed home, to Blue Earth that is, once again. I ended up leaving on Tuesday, the day of the big snow storm. I left by noon, but still encountered some weather issues. There were several accidents, a few white out situations and some slippery spots, but Meredith and I made it home safely! Jon was going to be busy at 2 wonderful drug rep dinners that week, something I used to enjoy going with him to (he could get me in because I worked in the OR!). So he wouldn't have been home until late on Tues and Thurs nights - so I figured I may as well go and spend some time with my mom and siblings during the week, one last time (well, not really, I'm going back Thurs afternoon this week) - before having to go back to work.

Basically we hibernated and stayed at my mother's from Tues until Thurs afternoon because of how cold and windy it was, along with all the snow. But people did come visit us. Including my brother and my sister Emily and her two kids. She actually was snowed into her own home because she had a long driveway that hadn't been plowed - but she decided to bundle her two kids up and plow through the foot of snow in her Cavalier to come to my mom's and visit, silly girl! My youngest sister was actually staying with my mom for a few days (because she was, and hopefully still is, taking a "break" from her boyfriend). She was actually very helpful, helping with baths, bottles and getting Meri ready for bed. So, it was a lot of visiting and family time. Thursday we were a bit more busy. We went and had lunch with my Gma and helped her type and print her holiday card. Then Emily and I took all three kids up to GT Photo for pictures with Santa. I'm really excited to see them. We got pics with our kids alone and together, they should be great. Actually my 4 year old niece was the hard one to convince to get near Santa! The two babies just happily sat on his lap! Then that night I took the whole family out to pretty much the only restaurant in town, "Double Play", for dinner. I wanted to tell everyone thank you for being so supportive and for dealing with me and my craziness!

We headed back up to the Cities on Friday so we could spend some quality time with daddy, which didn't really play out as I thought. I retrospect I probably would've stayed in Blue Earth until Saturday because Jon got home late Friday night and was gone all Saturday morning rounding. But, oh well! We had a quiet Friday night in and on Saturday our big accomplishment was grocery shopping. We did have some visitors stop by Saturday evening and we all went out to dinner at the local Mexican Restaurant, Pepitos. Our friends Marci and Dan Gatlin and their son David came by to see Meri for the first time. Dan and Jon started residency training together and Dan is now a General Surgeon in Shakopee. And ironically, Marci is also a CRNA - though we work at different hospitals and went to different schools. Anyway, it was great seeing them again and we hope to see them again soon!

On Sunday we just got things done around the house, then the past two days I've just been doing some last minute errands and Christmas related things - like getting our Christmas card created, printed, addressed, stamped and sent. I also had yet another Lactation appt yesterday. And I have to say, it was a little sad..... I originally made an appointment just to use their scales to see a pre and post feeding weight to see how much Meredith was eating during a typical feeding, but since the consultant wasn't busy, we did a full fledged appointment. Basically Meredith did her normal.. crying, going on, pulling away, crying, eating, pushing away, crying, eating, etc, etc. Yep, that's pretty much the usual feeding for her. And as you can imagine, it's very stressful for me, and probably for her too. Basically, the lactation nurse asked me if breastfeeding made me happy, which I had to admit to her that it did not. I'm constantly worried she's not getting enough and I'm constantly frustrated that it doesn't seem to even make HER happy. We also found out that she did NOT in fact get a full feeding, though nearly - 3.8 oz instead of 4.1 oz. So, she suggested that I might just try pumping and bottle feeding (because Meredith is actually happily taking the bottle for the moment!). She would get what she needed, and we would know that and she would be happier doing it. Well, I had resolved to doing that and did do it for the rest of the day yesterday and this morning and I have to say - THAT is a lot of work. It's hard to find the time to warm a bottle, feed her a bottle, pump, and clean all the equipment - when I could just breast feed. And it did not make her happier between feedings. I was convinced that if she got what she needed, if not more that what she needed, that perhaps she would sleep longer between feedings and be happier between feedings, but that was not the case at all - she was her usual fussy self who only takes 30 to 45 min. naps between feedings. So.... I'm back to my previous decision - I will breast feed when possible. I will hope she gets a full feeding, but I won't force her to eat if she gets upset. If she acts hungry before 3 hours are up, I'll feed her and as long as she's gaining weight - I'll just keep doing it that way. It's hard not to make myself crazy when things aren't going smoothly - but I can only do so much. And once I'm back to work - I'll be forced to pump and bottle feed while she's at daycare. The lactation consultant said she very well may declare herself. She may really enjoy breastfeeding when she gets the chance because she misses it, or she may down right refuse because she doesn't want to work hard and wants a bottle instead. I guess I will soon find out how it will go down. But if the rest of today is any indication, she may surprise me and decide to be a happy breastfeeder when given the chance. She got bottles yesterday at 5pm, 7pm and 9:30pm - then I breastfed her at 3:30am, 7:30am - bottle at 11:15am, then breastfed her at 1:30pm and 4:30pm and she breastfed very well all day - much better than she has done in the past several days. So, as I've said before - I really can't wait to be done. I want to do it, because I know it's what's best for her, but I'll tell you what - it ain't easy!

Enough on the continuing breastfeeding saga! We've been busy this week so far - running lots of errands. Today we also visited the daycare again to bring in some paperwork and say HI to her infant teachers, who I am very comfortable leaving her with. Then we went and visited a friend with a few other moms and kids playing. It was fun, but unfortunately Meredith had two complete freakouts and I spent most of my time there in a quiet room feeding her! Such is life. Now I have lunch dates both today and tomorrow and I'm going to visit a dear friend and meet her beautiful baby boy tomorrow - then I'm back to Blue Earth Thursday through Saturday for a family Christmas on Saturday and back to work Monday. Which as I've eluded to has already caused me to shed many tears. I know I will get back into the groove of things, but I've rather enjoyed my time off and my time with my daughter (and also the sleep she's allowed me, which though the day time hours can be rough, I at least still get to sleep at night.....)!

So here are some pics from the past week as well as some of the professional photos we had done a couple of weeks ago for Meredith's 3 month photos and for our Christmas photos!

The family at Double Play

All of my siblings, my sis in law, bro in law, niece, nephew, mom and Gma (and me and Meredith) at our dinner at Double Play in Blue Earth

The Gatlin family visit

Here are some professional photos, done by Jennifer Cress Photography here in Minneapolis at her studio...we have literally hundreds more, but there are some of my favorites.

Fun Filled Family Weekend

Well, last week I spent the full week home with Meredith here in the Cities. And we had a rough couple of days where Meredith was pretty fussy and Jon was at work late. But, it wasn't all bad. We had some fun and went out both with Meredith and without (for the first time). And the week ended with family photos.

The first half of last week was pretty chill. We ran some errands, went to an appointment, nothing too exciting. Monday she was a perfect angel. She had really good feedings and I weighed her and she is indeed gaining weight (at about 11.1 on Monday and 11.4 pounds by Sunday), so that made me very happy. But starting about 5pm on Tuesday until Thursday morning, Meredith was pretty darn fussy. She cried when she was held, when she was put down, before eating, after eating.... Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a continuous cry. It was just if I didn't constantly change what I was doing with her, change her position, etc... she was fussing. What made it harder was that Jon got home late on Tuesday, like 9pm and not until 6pm on Wednesday. At one point on Wednesday I swaddled Meri and put her safely in her crib and just let her scream for 5 minutes before going back in and picking her up. Strangely, she fell asleep almost as soon as I picked her up after that - I think the crying really wore her out. So, that day I decided that this week - we were going to go to Blue Earth for the week! I needed some help and encouragement and Jon several late night planned this week. But she did get a little better in the next few days, but she definitely is still having some fussiness and 3 months is just around the corner. I hear sometimes it's like switch gets flipped and the fussiness just goes away. Boy, I would cry tears of joy if that happened.

Thursday we met our friends Nicole and Paisley for lunch at Cafe Ena. Both of the babies slept through lunch and we had such a great time the two of them came to our place that evening for dinner, because Jon had a late conference and Nicole's husband had evening plans too! Meredith was a perfect little girl that day, which means she took naps, was happy when she was awake(for the most part) and she didn't need to be held constantly. I really love when we have days like that.

On Friday we brought lunch to my friend Jen's house. She just had a little boy a little over 2 weeks ago and I wanted to meet the little guy and see how she was doing. Her little boy weighs almost 8 lbs and I can't believe how tiny he looks and feels compared to Meredith. She is definitely growing up in front of my eyes. To me, she looks the same as the day she was born because I see her everyday. Anyway, it was great to see her and meet her little guy!

That evening, Jon and I took Meredith to our dear friends Cory and Stephanie's house. They were so kind as to invite us to their home for a wonderful dinner. Stephanie also was very thoughtful and knit a very adorable hat for Meredith - I'll take pictures and post them soon! Jon had met Cory when he was doing research nearly 6 years ago and the four of us have been friends since. They are great people and great hosts. Too bad Meredith was in a fussy mood that night. I definitely had a great time hanging out with them and their two adorable kids, who are also very well behaved I might add. I hope we'll be able to hang out with them again soon!

Saturday the whole family took it easy during the day because that evening Jon and I were going to be heading out for our first evening out, without Meredith. My two aunts were going to be arriving at our home around 5:30 so Jon and I could get to our dinner by 6pm. It was a semi-formal Christmas Party for my company, AAPA - so basically a bunch of nurse anesthetists and anesthesiologists that I work with along with their significant others. So, my aunt Mary and aunt Kate came over and I gave them the run down of where everything was and what our normal evening routine was, but then we headed out. I really wasn't nervous leaving Meredith with the two of them, I know they are very capable, loving and caring people. I was just nervous that Meredith was going to be a big fuss-budget. But we got to the event and started drinking some wine and chatting with my coworkers, and generally having a good time. I did think about Meredith a lot, mostly because everyone was asking about her, but I never once felt the need to go home, we did enjoy ourselves. It was great wine, great food and great conversation. We ended the evening with a bunch of us going to the Bulldog in St. Paul. Jon and I were home by a little after 1am and Meredith was sleeping in her bassinet. It sounded like Meredith was her typical fussy self, but my aunts just held her and moved around with her a lot. She also apparently took her bottles very well and very quickly. They even ended up giving her an extra bottle! Regardless, she was asleep when we got home and she slept all night. Thanks Aunt Mary and Aunt Kate!!

I will admit that I definitely drank a bit too much wine that night and didn't feel so great all day yesterday. Which was only aggravated by the fact that we had family pictures yesterday, for both Christmas and Meredith's 3 month photos. But I made it! Last evening, when I started to feel a bit better, I felt like I had a lot of cuddling to make up with Meredith and basically had her in my arms all night. I have a feeling like this quite often when I go back to work (which is now only 2 weeks away - I've already been crying about it!)

And that brings me to today! Which I have to say has been just heavenly! I love days like today! Meredith and I were lazy as usual and slept in until 11am, when I woke her up to feed her. Yep, I still wake her up. I know that's weird, but I feel because she's in the bassinet and I can, and do, put her pacifier back in when she starts to stir, that I should wake her up to feed her (because if she were in her crib I wouldn't be able to do that and she would surely be awake and crying about these times anyway, and yes I do know I'm a bit crazy)! Anyway, she has just been a happy baby today, having calm feedings, awake for an hour to an hour and a half, smiling and happy, then starts to fuss. And today I tried swaddling her, putting her in her crib and turning on some loud white noise and she actually had three great naps between 45 min to 1 hour long! Then she wakes up and is pretty happy! And now Jon just gave her a bottle and she took 5 ounces, without much fuss at all!

So the rest of the week I'll be in Blue Earth. I'm already packed up and just plan on feeding Meredith at around 11am and then hitting the road. I hope the snow will hold off, or at least not be to heavy! At least I have a four wheel drive!

My picture taking has definitely gone down in recent weeks, I'll try to get better!

Stephanie and her daughter, Nora - with Meredith

Nora holding Meredith, an expert at such a young age

Jon and I all dressed up for our big first night out

Our friends, Nicole and Travis - also their first night out since their daughter Paisley was born!

Meri's First Thanksgiving

Well we experienced one of our very many firsts over the past weekend, Meredith's first Thanksgiving! We headed there on Wednesday and were back home by Friday afternoon, so a pretty quick trip. But we had a great time, as always, seeing my family!

Wednesday we got all packed up and were out the door after her 11am feeding and were in Blue Earth by 2pm. We basically went right over to my sister's to see her and her two kids as they were getting ready for a family photo. That evening I had dinner with my mom and step-dad and then convinced them to give Meri a bottle and babysit for a few hours while I headed over to my sister's to hang out with her and some of her friends. As it ended up we never ended up leaving her house (we were going to go to "downtown" Blue Earth, but decided it would be way too busy and full of a much younger crowd, which we found out was a correct assumption). So I could've just brought Meredith with me, but I do have to say it was nice to have a little break and hang out with just adults, well and my niece and nephew!

The next day was Thankgiving. We weren't having our family dinner until 5pm that evening. So, I ended up hanging out with my mom and watching a movie, then headed over to see my sis and her kids before heading over to my Gma Wickersham's. We were over there by 5pm, along with everyone from that side of the family (except Jon....). We had a great time as usual - good food, good family, good fun. And of course there was drama. It involved theft of cigarettes and keys, my Gma's neighbor and eventually the cops! Great entertainment. Before heading back to my mom's we made a quick stop at my bestest girlfriend, Sheila's, parent's house. It was nice to chat with both Sheila and her mom, Donna. Even though it was a brief visit, it was great seeing both of them!

By Friday, we had to pack up and leave already. Unfortunately, Jon hadn't been able to join us for the holiday in Blue Earth because it just wouldn't have made any sense. He ended up working late on Wednesday, had to round on Thursday morning and then had to be up by 5am Friday. It was kind of a bummer that he missed Meri's first holiday, but I think it will mean more next year when Meredith can actually experience some of the food (I can't believe that in one year Meri will be eating solid food, just weird to think that!). So, anyway - we wanted to get back home so Meri (and I) could see her daddy!

We were back home by 2pm and Jon was home by 4pm. We even had plans that night, we were heading over to my Aunt Mary's to see the other side of my family. We got an appetizer and a bottle of wine and all three of us headed to North St. Paul. There we saw my Gma Pfaffinger, Aunt Mary and Uncle Jim, Aunt Kate, Uncle Mike, cousin Mike and Cousin Owen. We had apps, wine and great conversation. It's amazing how much outings like this mean to me these days. My Aunts Kate and Mary also got a little preview of what they were going to have to deal with this Saturday (the two of them are coming over to babysit Meredith so Jon and I can go to my company Christmas party, I can't wait...THANK YOU TWO!!!)

Saturday our big project was getting our Christmas tree. Every year we go and buy a fresh cut Christmas tree. And every year I threaten that it will be the last year we get a live Christmas tree. I do love the tradition, the smell and the idea, but I hate, hate, hate the mess! But Jon absolutely loves real trees and it would be devastating to him if we got a fake one, so we headed to a church parking lot on Hwy 100, where they have fresh cut trees and the three of us picked out a real beaut! We got it set up in the tree stand, fed Meredith and then the three of us headed out to dinner. We went to a restaurant just a few block away called "First Course", which doesn't look like much from the outside. But it actually was a very cute, cozy place on the inside with a very sophisticated menu. Probably one of the nicest places we've brought Meredith to. Luckily she was well behaved and Jon and I had an awesome dinner and night out together - got to do it while we can, right!

Then Sunday we got ready for Christmas. Jon finished the outside lights, while I decorated the inside of the house. Then we both decorated the tree. I have to say, a few weeks ago I was ready to just kind of ignore this Christmas season, use the baby as an excuse to not do much. But now I'm definitely getting in to it. Our tree is beautiful, it smells great in our house and I'm totally excited about the Christmas season, our baby's first Christmas. Too bad I have to go back to work just 4 days before Christmas. Oh well, gives me something to look forward too!

Just a cute pic of Meredith

Meredith and Brooks in their matching vibrating chairs

My siter Jill, me, my cousin Jana (holding Meredith) and my cousin Alesha

My mom (an experienced bottle giver :) ) feeding Meri as she desperately tries to watch the TV

My Gma Pfaffinger, getting reacquainted with Meredith