Drama, drama, drama

Well, I'm sure some of you have seen my Facebook updates, but for those who haven't, I will fill you in.... Jon finally got home from Peru on Friday. After operating Monday through Friday last week, he went with a group of 12 other people from the mission trip to Machu Picchu. And due to torrential rains, there were mudslides that took out the railroad tracks - which is the only way off the mountain. Originally on Sunday morning, Jon emailed me to say that he may be delayed getting out of Cusco, but it shouldn't affect his leaving Lima. But then on Monday morning I got another email saying that he now wasn't sure when he was going to be able to get to Cusco to fly home. He and thousands of other tourists were stuck in a small tourist village near Machu Picchu, Aguas Calientes, and the only way to get to Cusco (where there is an airport), was by train - and the tracks were blocked by the mudslides. So the Peruvian government had to evacuate everyone via helicopter. I hadn't heard much from Jon except that he didn't know when he'd get home, but he was safe and though he didn't have electricity at first - they had plenty of food and water.

Jon finally was able to call me from someone's satellite phone and was telling me that things were very unorganized and there was only one helicopter coming very infrequently and people were starting to get upset and very anxious about the situation. Jon happened to be with 12 other people that were involved with the mission, including two anesthesiologists that I work with. And these two anesthesiologists were supposed to be in Lima on Monday to help with the anesthesia end of the mission. There were supposed to be running 3 ORs in Lima, but only had one CRNA (which is what I am) - and so there were surgeons and patients, but not enough anesthesia providers to do what everyone came to do. So, the tour guide was trying to use this information to get Jon and the rest of the group from the Medical Mission evacuated quicker - which never ended up working. Also, the American Embassy ended up getting involved and was planning on evacuating all the American tourists with American helicopters - but the Peruvians prevented that from happening because they were worried about other tourists and locals rioting because they weren't be evacuated like the Americans were. So, then Jon was back to waiting.

Eventually they decided to evacuate according to age - the very old and very young first. Jon was in one of the last age groups to be evacuated. Finally, this morning (Thursday morning) - Jon texted me (yep - for some reason his text messaging worked in Peru?!) a picture of him on the helicopter, telling me he was on his way to Cusco. He is currently in Lima and will be back home by noon tomorrow!! It has been a long 4 days - with the uncertainty and the mixed reports I was reading on the internet. Some reports mentioning near riot conditions and decreasing supplies of water and food, as well as the still dangerous river surrounding the town. Other reports also were claiming that there were multiple helicopters and that the Americans were helping with the evacuation - but, according to Jon, the Peruvians weren't allowing any other countries to help - though there had many offers - because they didn't want to appear as though they weren't in control of the situation.

At any rate, that drama is finally over and Jon has returned - after 2 weeks being gone from home - an I have to say, I am SO glad that he is home, for many reasons. Mostly, being a single mom is quite hard. It is doable - but very hard. I have no idea how single mother's do it!!

And I have to say the first week Jon was gone - besides the stress of the first weekend I've already mentioned - Meredith was pretty much a complete angel. But the four days I was in Blue Earth were very difficult. This was the case because I did finally decide to stop breastfeeding. The stress of finding time to pump and bottle feed while Jon was gone (both because of this trip, but also in general because of his demanding call schedule and frequent evening commitments) was getting a bit too much for me. I know I had 4 days off in a row and the I would be around family for help with the transition - so I decided to take advantage of the situation -though it was a bit earlier than I otherwise would've done.

So, on Thursday night when I got to Blue Earth I added 2 oz of formula to 4 oz of breastmilk. My mom gave her the bottle with no problems. I did this again at 10pm that night, and she still took most of the bottle without problems. But then the next morning I gave her a bottle at 10am and she was very fussy about it and only took about half of her normal amount in twice the time. Even so, I thought it was probably a bit of a fluke and decided to commit to quitting cold turkey starting that afternoon. Bottles from that point on were a battle. There was a lot of crying, throwing her head back, baiting and switching with her pacifier, walking and feeding. It was a 6 times a day battle. Thankfully, my mom, stepdad and sister helped me with some of the feedings. On top of this, I got pretty darn sick from stopping breastfeeding. I had sweats and nausea, aches and general malaise. I was basically a pile of poo on Saturday. But I did have a hair appointment, which I went to. Unfortunately, I ended up puking in her garbage can. But by the evening I was feeling a little better and by Sunday morning I only really felt tight and moderately painful in the my chest.

What made all of this worse was the fact that Meredith was NOT happy about the formula. After the first two bottles with 2 oz formula and 4 oz breastmilk - she started crying almost immediately when we started to feed her. This went on all weekend long. She would take a few sucks and then start crying hysterically. We would be persistent and continue to offer her the bottle, we'd walk and feed her, put her in the vibrating chair to feed her. This went on for nearly an hour every time and often she would only take 2 or 3 oz. She was still mostly happy in between feedings and still napped and slept at night, though more restlessly. I almost starting pumping several times, but my family just encouraged me to give it time, especially since I had come that far and felt so sick - I knew I didn't want to go through that again.

On Monday, I brought Meredith to my sister's for the last feeding before I went back to the Cities and she put up a big fight and only ate 1.5 oz. I was so upset, I ended up calling both my pediatrician and the lactation consultant. The nurse at the pediatrician's office said what everyone else said, she'll eat when she's hungry.. Well just to see, I decided to just offer her plain breastmilk to see if she'd take it - and she didn't want that either. So, before I dumped them both down the drain, I smelled them both - and the plain breastmilk almost smelled fishy?! Well, since she wasn't taking the plain breastmilk, I decided it didn't make sense to start pumping again. So, I packed Meredith up and headed home. As luck would have it, I ended up driving through a blizzard to get home. I just felt like nothing more could go wrong, seriously! From Blue Earth to Mankato on 169 it was near white-out conditions, but I have very little vacation and frankly I needed to bring Meredith to daycare so I could get a break! I drove very carefully and slowly. Once I reached Mankato - the visibility and roads got much better. We did get back safe and sound.

Once we got home, I warmed up a bottle of 3 oz formula, 3 oz breastmilk with a bit of apple juice in it to sweeten it up, which I had tried in several other bottles - but this time, she drank every last drop! She must've finally gotten hungry enough. She drank 5 or 6 oz from her next bottle too. I ended up getting a call back from the lactation consultant and she gave me some good info. I mentioned the fishy smell to my frozen and thawed breastmilk and she said that it could be due to the proteins that can break down from the freezing and thawing of the milk. It can sometimes give the milk a funny taste and smell and though it's still safe to give to the baby, some babies really don't like it!

The next day at daycare it apparently was quite a struggle. They were only able to get her to eat a couple ounces and couple of times. So, one of the infant providers asked if I'd want her to try just formula, so I said, sure! Well, when I got there to pick her up they said she sucked the bottle down without a fuss. She had 3 oz right before I picked her up at daycare and when I got home she was sucking on her pacifier so hard and intermittenly crying, I decided to warm up 4 more oz of formula - and she sucked that down. And since then, we've had relatively few problems. She still easily distractable and sometimes only takes 2 or 3 oz, but she doesn't cry when she's fed. I'm also increasing the nipple size right now to see if she'll eat more, and with the last bottle, she took 6 oz (versus 2.5 oz at 7:30am). In retrospect, it could've been the frozen and thawed breastmilk that Meredith disliked so much. Thinking back to when we were having trouble with her taking bottles, that was mostly frozen and thawed milk - but at daycare it had always been freshly pumped! Well, live and learn.

I still wish she'd be more predictable in how much she was eating. She can act hungry and then only take 2 or 3 oz, but at other times I can get her to take 5 or 7 oz. I still have to give her rest periods and do the bait and switch with her pacifier - but I was doing all this with bottles of breastmilk too. I just would be happier if she took 5 or 6 oz every 3 to 4 hours, which is what her weight and age would say would be what she should be eating. She should have 2 to 2.5 oz of formula or breastmilk in a 24 hour period. Well, she's 14 lbs now so she should have minimum 28 oz and max 35 oz, but she has been taking in a little less, like yesterday it was more like 22 oz. I don't know how obsessed I should be about this, it's hard for me not to be. The last bottle she got this morning with the medium flow nipple, she took almost 6 oz in 10 minutes - so maybe this will be the answer, only time will tell....

Enough of that! So, Jon has been home since Friday afternoon! And I actually ended up having my sister Jillian come up and stay with me starting Thursday night. On Thursday I still didn't know when Jon would get home and I was feeling very lonely and overwhelmed, so I decided to call my youngest sister - who just so happens to be unemployed at the moment and asked if she wouldn't mind coming up to help me and keep me company - and she graciously agreed. She was here on Thursday when I got home from work and was such a big help. It felt so good just to have someone else around! At this point Jon had been helicoptered to Cusco and was arranging for his flights back home. Jill stayed on Friday and picked Jon up from the airport and then she even stayed one more night so she could babysit Meredith and Jon and I went out to dinner at Bar La Grassa! It was SO nice. The food was great and it was just nice to catch up with my husband!

The next morning Jon woke up with Meredith and let me sleep in, I was more like in and out of sleep obsessing about Meredith's eating and sleeping habits! But it was nice nonetheless. Jon and Jillian then make brunch while I fed Meri another bottle. After brunch, Jillian left, I was so thankful for the help she gave us, THANKS JILL!! Jon and I haven't done much else this weekend, which is fine with me. I went grocery shopping yesterday while Jon watched Meri and today Jon is on call, so he's been gone most of the morning. I have very little on my agenda today and am looking forward to my upcoming week with my husband and daughter.

I work the next two days and have Wednesday off. I'm planning on having Meredith go to daycare that day so that I can take a day to sleep and maybe get a massage, I'm very excited. And in a week and a half, we're all headed to Mexico!!

Sorry this was so long, but there really was a lot to tell! I hope everything is well with everyone who reads this and I am SO glad that the drama is finally OVER!

Here are some random recent pics of Miss Meri..... (and a couple from Jon's trip to Peru)

Meredith in one of her new favorite spots - the exersaucer!

Down in Blue Earth, cousin Madison holding Meri

Cousin Brooks and Meredith playing on the activity mat together

Meredith getting a bath yesterday after a huge poop blowout (which are becoming the norm with formula - and they're green and clay-like - what's up with that?)

This is the River in Aguas Calientes in Peru - and the major reason why Jon was stuck there, the river is so full and violent that it's cutting into it's banks where the railroad tracks are and the railroad tracks have fallen into the river and several places (as well as mudslides have take out the tracks and covered them in places too)= no way out!

Here the river is cutting into the river bank and these buildings are crumbling in!

This is the town center where hundreds of stranded tourists are gathering awaiting to be choppered out

Jon finally is assigned a group number for his chopper out

He gets to the chopper pad

He's finally out of Machu Pichu after 4 days of waiting

Is the fussiness over?!

Well, I am happy to report that I am even contemplating asking myself, is the fussiness over? Literally, starting the end of last week, I feel like a switch just went off and Meredith is all of the sudden a much happier baby!! She is smiling all the time and loves sucking on her hands and reaching and grabbing things hanging from her activity mat or her bouncy chair. She is just being so much fun all of the sudden. Don't get me wrong, she still can fuss and just want to be held, but she seems content just sitting on my lap, instead of needing to be in constant motion. All I have to say is, this is the happy baby I have always dreamed of!

All of this is coming at a perfect time, because my hubby is MIA, in Peru for 12 days to operate. He left last Friday afternoon and will be returning in a week (next Tuesday). I have to say, I feel like we're doing well, all things considered. Last Saturday night until Sunday afternoon was a bit overwhelming, but only because I tried to get too much done in too little time. On Saturday I decided to run errands with Meredith, and for some reason I ended up buying way too much, and way too many heavy and bulky items - like dog food, litter, diapers, frozen dinners, etc. And when I got home I suddenly realized, I would have to be the one to bring every thing into the house and put it all away! Well, if that wasn't bad enough I had less than 2 hours to do that, feed Meredith, pump, get her down for a nap and get ready for a party we were going to! Needless to say, I was stressed, Meri didn't end up going down for a nap, and we were late for the party, but we did get where we planned on going - which was the Plastic Surgery Department Christmas Party. For some reason I thought it would be fun to go with Meredith, even though Jon was gone. And I have to say, it wasn't that much fun. I did know a handful of people, but there were a lot of their office staff and PAs that I had never met and who didn't know me at all. And because I wasn't that familiar with the other party goers, I didn't feel comfortable asking for help - so I basically hauled Meri around all night, trying to figure out how to eat, go to the bathroom, warm up her bottles, feed her, change her, etc all by myself. I know if Jon had been there, it would've been much more fun - oh well. Meredith ended up falling asleep in her carseat just as I was about to leave, so I took advantage and sat down and relaxed for awhile before heading out - which meant we didn't get home until 11pm and not to bed until after midnight... Then the next morning I was supposed to attend a friend's 2 year old's birthday party at 10am. Meri did decide to get up by 8am, but between pumping, feeding her and a bit of play time, I didn't think we'd make it. Meri went down for a nap at 10am, giving me some time to get myself ready and then I decided to throw her in her carseat and make a go for it. We were there by 11:30am and I was so glad I went. It was almost the total opposite of the night before - tons of babies, space, food and friendly people offering their help and praises! It really raised my spirits and I felt totally comfortable and happy! And it was great seeing some friends I hadn't seen in awhile and meeting a few new friendly people! Then it was off to my Uncle Bob's to watch the Viking's game and hang out with my aunts and uncles! I originally was a bit worried about being gone from home so long and how Meri would do - but she did great! She got her bottles, I found time to pump, she took a great nap on my uncle's guest bed and I had my aunt's to help me with her. I didn't get home until 7pm, but I was well fed and felt happy and relaxed after having such a fun and low stress day with family and friends!

And so far this week, I'm getting to work on time in the mornings. I have to get up by 4:45 am, but I then have time to get myself ready, feed Meredith and get her ready and out the door by 5:45am. It's a lot easier with Jon's help, and I'd get a bit more sleep with him around - but it hasn't been that bad. And the evenings, as I mentioned above - have been pretty fun. I've started trying to get Meredith on a nap and bedtime schedule and so far, I've been successful. We get home around 3:30 or 4pm and play until she eats around 4;30 to 5pm - then she naps until no later than 7pm (I wake her up if I have to) - then we play and she eats again around 7:30pm. Then by about 8:15 to 8:30 we start her bedtime routine - lotion, change into PJs, read "Goodnight Moon", swaddle, then in her crib with her mobile on. It usually doesn't take long and her eyes are closed. Sometimes she stirs and fusses and I have to come up and put her pacifier in her mouth - but not always. Then around 10 to 10:30pm, I do a "dream feed". I pick her up out of her crib with her eyes closed, put a bottle in her mouth and she eats. She never opens her eyes and I don't do anything else like change her diaper or even burp her. I just let her eat until she's full and then put her back to bed. And so far - knock on wood - she then sleeps through the night until I get her up to do her only breastfeeding of the day at 5am (she gets all bottles that I've pumped the rest of the day). This schedule has only been going on a little over a week - but I'm hopeful. I'm also concerned at how early she wakes up on my days off, since she's used to getting up around 5am on my work days. I have 4 days off in a row starting on Friday- so we'll see how that goes!

I do have Friday through Monday off this week, at my request, so I can go down to Blue Earth. I'm looking forward to the extra hands and help - as well as just seeing my family in general - though packing is taking me every night this week so far and I still probably won't get it into my car until after work on Thurs because I have to come home to pick up my dog after work before heading home! I have an appointment to get my hair done and a date planned with my best high school girlfriend on Saturday night. It'll be fun! Though I do have one not so fun plan for the weekend.... I think I may stop breastfeeding. I know this subject is very charged, so I hope I don't offend or bother anyone - but I think I'm ready to stop. I've been exclusively pumping and bottle feeding Meredith for over 2 weeks now and it's actually going pretty well. But it is a huge time commitment and it get's a bit challenging when Jon's gone - which isn't just now, but also when he gets home late in the evenings or is on call on the weekends. I actually pumped while I drove on Sunday (I hooked up while parked, used a hooter hider, it was completley hands free....) and I'm pumping right now! I also am worried at how painful quitting may be and think having several days off of work in a row may be helpful - as well as being around my family so they can help with Meredith. We actually had her 4 month appointment this afternoon and I discussed this possibility with her pediatrician and she didn't give me a guilt trip at all. So, I plan on starting to mix formula in with breastmilk tomorrow and stop pumping on Friday - we'll see how it all goes!?

Speaking of her 4 month appointment - yep Meredith is 4 months old. She is 13 lb 11 oz and 23 inches long. The pediatrician says we can start baby cereal anytime and then slowly can start introducing other fruits and veggies as tolerated! I can't believe it. I think I'll do formula and get that established for a few weeks and then start rice cereal for a few weeks and just see how that goes. I'm excited to feed Meredith with a spoon - I'm sure there will be a lot of good pics!

There have been a lot of changes lately, but most for the good. She is definitely starting to be super fun. I wish I could be home with her more. Here are some of her 4 month old happenings....

- She is smiling so much more and giggles when I tickle her and sometimes even when I talk to her or kiss her

-She loves laying under her activity mat and grabbing the monkey or giraffe and putting them in her mouth.

-She likes to spend a little time in her Exersaucer- I can see it quickly becoming her favorite place

- She's starting to like tummy time. She's getting a lot more upper body strength, so she can look around and work her arms and legs.

- She is getting close to rolling over - when laying on her back to arches her back and swings her legs around - she ends up on her side, but hasn't quite figured out how to get to her tummy- though I'm not sure she'd find that preferable.

-She's eating like a little piggy. Now that she's bottle fed, I can see what she's eating. And after a few weeks of gradually increasing how many ounces I give her - she's now being offered 6 oz of breast milk 6 times a day and often eats them all, as well as 1 breastfeeding session. I think she may even eat more than 6oz sometimes, but she remains happy between feedings and I don't want to over do it!

-We've started the transition to the crib. She's been napping in it since mid-December, but only since the last couple weeks I've been brave enough to put her in there overnight - and so far - so good.

I'm sure I'm forgetting a bunch of new fun stuff - but I should feed Meri and head to bed. I hope all is well with everyone and I'll update soon if I can!

Getting into New Routines?!

Once again, I apologize for my lack of blogging. I feel like since I've been back to work, I'm not getting much done besides the necessities. I'm hoping eventually I'll find more time for myself as we all get used to our new schedules.

It's been almost 2 weeks since my last blog entry and there have been several changes and events. The first event was New Year's Eve and really, it was a non-event. As I believe I mentioned before, Meredith was starting to get a cold right around Christmas. Well, she passed that cold onto both Jon and I and all three of us were pretty out of commission on New Year's Eve. Jon had a low-grade fever and nausea, I had a sore throat, stuffy nose and just plain exhaustion and Meredith had her stuffy nose and cough. We ended up watching a movie at home and getting into bed by 10:30pm. It was probably the first New Year's Eve since I was a child that I wasn't up at midnight... oh well, such is the life of new parents! It was a real bummer because we actually had 3 different social events we could've gone to. And I spoke with everyone who had gone to those parties and they all sounded like they would've been fun. Maybe next year!

The rest of that weekend we did very little. It was cold outside and we were all doing our best to rest and recuperate, in hopes that we'd start feeling better very soon. I did do one fun thing that weekend, I went to our annual traditional Bennies holiday party. A good friend of mine, Mindy, has had a group of about 8 to 10 of us college friends over every year to her house for a holiday party. I was still pretty tired and very stuffed up, but I had been looking forward to going out and socializing, as well as seeing all my girlfriends, literally for months - so I wasn't going to miss it. Luckily, Jon had been feeling better, so I took many drugs and had a cup of caffeinated tea and headed on over. It was very nice to see everyone and also to have some adult only socialization. We had great food, great drinks and great conversation. I got home around 11pm and Jon had, once again, successfully put Meredith to bed!

And so far this weekend we have been able to do one fun social activity. Last night, Friday night, we finally saw the house my cousin Jessica and her husband Paul moved into in November. They had a housewarming party and we all went over to celebrate with them. Most of my extended family was also there - aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. The house was actually bought and renovated by my aunt and uncle (not Jessica's parents, but our Aunt Kate and Uncle David). Jessica and Paul are currently renting the house, but intend on buying if all the paperwork goes through. It's near the U of M and Como area and it's absolutely beautiful. As usual, seeing someone else's home, makes me dream of my future dream home, ahhh.... someday! It was a lot of fun seeing the family and Meredith got a lot of attention. She actually did very well. Had a bottle there and then was passed around for awhile before getting pretty fussy. Then we just swaddled her and put her on our cousin's bed to sleep until we were ready to leave. This seems to be the trick these days - if she's been fed and changed and is still fussy - we just swaddle her and get her to sleep!

Now, general news. Well, I've been back to work now for three weeks and last week was my first week working 4 days and I have to say - I'm not a fan. I do love my job and I do actually enjoy work. But by the time I leave work, pick up Meredith and get home, it's 4pm. I feel like in my evenings I'm feeding Meredith, putting her down for naps, packing up for work and daycare the next day, finding time to shower and eat supper and maybe take a nap in the early evening and that is pretty much my day. Maybe it's also that I've been extra tired because of my cold and that Jon has started his rotation at Region's hospital and is busier, but I just find it all so depressing. I also think the winter with it's short days and freezing cold temps aren't making things any better either. Also, Meredith's fussiness is still an issue. Don't get me wrong, she has her good days. But sometimes she's just woken from a nap, been changed, just ate and has been burped, but is still fussing. She's also started doing the whole back arching and throwing her body backwards thing. I know things will get better, I'm just already looking forward to March - Meredith will be approaching 6 months old (hopefully grown out of her fussiness), Jon will be back at the U of M (where call is much less busy) and the weather will be improving!

I've also, more or less, given up on breastfeeding. I'm mostly pumping and bottle feeding, even when I'm home. I still breast feed her in the middle of the night and early morning - when we're both tired - but I'm finding unless I take Meredith out of a deep sleep - she starts fussing and refusing to eat within 5 minutes of starting and I end up pumping and feeding her by bottle anyway. I think if I just plan on giving bottles and finding the time to pump, it's just less stressful - though a bit more work. We'll see how long I can keep this up!

But there are also good things going on with Meredith as well. I've recently figured out that she likes tummy time a lot more. I hadn't really been pushing the issue because I relished every moment that she was actually awake and happy and she had really hated tummy time earlier. But I just tried again last week and she has so much more head strength. She can really hold her head up and look around - it's so cute. Also, she has recently started giggling. Usually when she's laying on her changing table I can tickle her tummy and her chest and she smiles and giggles - it just melts my heart. She's also making a lot of noises. Cooing and ooing, it's so cute! And she definitely is getting more interactive. She loves laying under her activity mat and grabbing the hanging toys - it's amazing to watch! So despite some of the issues with feeding and fussiness - she brings us so much joy and happiness! We'll take a little of the bad with all this good. We do love her to pieces!

The last thing I want to mention is that over New Year's weekend we lost a dear loved one to her battle with cancer. My aunt Nita passed away at Southdale Hospital on Saturday. She had been diagnosed with lung cancer in May and ended up passing away due to infection and bleeding related to the tumor in her lungs. We were glad that we had recently been able to spend time with her over the holidays, but very, very sad to see her go so soon. The wake was on Tuesday and the funeral was on Wednesday. I just so happened to have Wednesday off and Jon was also post-call that day, so all 3 of us were able to attend both the wake and the funeral - they were both very beautiful. We will miss her very much!

Meredith is starting to like tummy time (well for short periods of time anyway!) and her head and neck are getting much stronger!

Spending time in her Bumbo

She loves hanging out and playing under her activity mat

Here is a video of Meredith giggling. It happens most often on her changing table when we tickle her!

Here are all us girls for our annual "Bennie" holiday party!

I even made it out for dinner with coworkers one night a few weeks ago!

Here's a video of Meredith during tummy time