Things are going just GREAT!!

Once again, it's been a little while since I last blogged, but I'm happy to report that things are going just great!! Really, seriously, great! Meredith is consistently eating well, she's sleeping well and is very smiley and happy when she's awake. It's taken over 5 months, but she's finally became the perfect little child!!

She's getting such a great little personality. She is very observant and loves to look around. She's loves looking at herself in the mirror, even more. She always starts smiling when she sees herself in a mirror. She's getting really good at grasping things and everything goes into her mouth. She's also getting really good a putting her pacifier in and out of her mouth. She also recently figured out how to roll from her back to her tummy! She had already rolled from her tummy to her back, but not the other way. So now I put her on her activity mat and if I step away for even a moment, she's on her tummy when I get back. She still has more trouble getting back to her back, but sometimes she just rolls and rolls and rolls! Basically she is just all smiles and giggles when she's awake. Don't get me wrong, she can get fussy, at times - but that's usually because she's tired. It is just so much fun seeing her so happy and having so much fun!

And like I said, she's eating much better. She takes between 4 and 7 oz every bottle. When she doesn't have to go to day care, she gets up and has her first bottle around 7am, then every 3 hours until 10pm. She's going to sleep around 8 to 8:30pm every night and sleeping until around 7am (though she starts to stir around 5am because she's used to getting up at that time for daycare, but I just give her the pacifier and she usually goes back to sleep). She's still napping for times a day for 45 minutes to 1.5 hours. She still can only be awake about 1.5 to 2 hours before getting fussy and tired. But we just swaddle her, give her the pacifier and put her in her crib and she falls asleep on her own, no problem! And we're giving her cereal every night and I think she's getting better at it. We started with rice cereal and now we've tried oatmeal. She's just starting to really open her mouth and eat more. Tonight we'll try barley cereal and then we'll be moving on to fruits and veggies!

Anywho.... what have we been up to? Not a whole terrible lot, but Meredith and I did go to Blue Earth a few weekends ago. We almost didn't because my nephew, Brooks, had pneumonia earlier that week. They had started him on antibiotics, but by Thursday - he wasn't getting any better. He ended up getting admitted to the hospital in Blue Earth for supplemental oxygen and intramuscular antibiotics. They discovered not only did he have pneumonia, but he also had RSV and bronchiolitis. My sister and her husband stayed with him at the hospital Thursday night and Friday night until he was discharged on Saturday afternoon. I was worried about Meredith and didn't want her to get sick, but I just never brought her to where Brooks was and I made everyone wash their hands before playing with Meredith. It ended up being just fine and I was so glad I had gone home. I was able to see everyone and it was a relaxing time, even though I was only home late Friday night until early afternoon on Sunday.

My niece Madison was staying at my mom's on Friday night because my sister and her husband were at the hospital with Brooks. Madison was so cute with Meredith and so helpful. We had a great time hanging out and after Meredith went to bed, we all watched Up! My sister Jillian was also home that night until the next morning because she was in between apartments and moving that Saturday. Because of her moving, I also got to see my father because he had to come over to my mom's to get some of Jill's things. My grandmother, brother and sister-in-law all stopped by that day to visit as well. In the evening I was able to leave Meredith with my mom and John and I went to my sister Emily's house to see her, Brooks and her hubby, Andrew. Andrew's parents were also there and I spent about an hour just hanging out and chatting. Later that evening, my sister also came by my mom's to spend more time with Meri. I think Meredith really loves my sister because she smiles and giggles so much every time my sister says anything. Maybe it's a red hair thing!

Then on Sunday morning my brother, sister Emily, niece Madison, Meri and I met my dad and his wife for brunch at Country Kitchen before I left to go back to the Cities. It was pretty much a perfect weekend and I'm excited to see them all again, though it won't be until April!

Then last weekend, Jon and I just took it easy. We had take out on Friday night. Then on Saturday we decided to take advantage of the nice weather and we put Meri in a snowsuit and took a walk up to our local grocery store and picked up a few things to make dinner that night. Then on Sunday, we went to a friend's house for their daughter's 2nd Birthday party. We just spent a few hours there, but it was so nice to see a bunch of people that we haven't seen in forever. Everyone brought their kids and had a great time.

This coming weekend we're having some good friends over for dinner on Friday night and then I'm going out for some drinks with friends on Saturday while Jon babysits (he really is a great husband, but don't tell him I said that...). Then in a week, Jon's mom is coming into town for a few nights to visit. I can't believe how quickly time has been going lately. Meredith will be six months old next week. Before I know it, we'll be celebrating her first birthday!

Meredith's first taste of solid food

Having fun in one of her favorite spots, the ExcerSaucer

Cousin Madison giving little Meri a kiss on the forehead

Smiling and cooing for great-grandma Wickersham

Dad having fun taking some pics of Meri

Meredith all bundled up ready for her walk

What a cute little pink marshmellow

Meredith had rolled over onto her tummy and is having a good time

Meredith trying to drink out of mommy's bottle

Me and Meri with Nissrine, holding Lorne and the birthday girl Nora at her side

Jon holding Meredith in a cute outfit that Gma Stone got her many months ago

Meredith in her cute plum dress that Gpa McCue and Step-Gma Romanov got her

A better pic of her cute little dress, tights and all

Update....

I know all of you have been patiently waiting to see if Meredith has improved with her eating (just kidding)! But actually, things are currently going much better.....

Last Wednesday I was home all day with Meredith, though her fever had decreased by Tuesday evening, because she had to be fever free without meds for 24 hours before she could go back to daycare. That day went okay. She was a bit fussier than normal and still was eating no more than 2.5 oz at a time.

So, by Thursday we were able to bring Meredith to daycare. That day I basically had a meltdown about Meredith's eating. I hadn't heard back from the feeding clinic and I knew my pediatrician would be out of the office on Friday - I just wanted to do something to try to improve how much Meredith ate. So, I called the pediatrician's office to try to get some advice from my pediatrician - I mean it had been almost a week of Meredith's poor eating. I also called the nurse practitioner at the feeding clinic and left a message. What makes all of this more frustrating is how my job is, I basically can't be reached at work. So, I call somewhere and leave a message, but have no phone number to have them call me back at because my cell phone doesn't work in the OR and I am hardly ever in one spot very long, and if I am it's because I'm in an OR and I can't exactly be taking personal phone calls when I'm taking care of a patient under anesthesia. I did call Jon and found out that he was actually home and thought that I'd have him take care of all of this - but I also felt that he had never been as concerned as I was about Meredith's eating and I wasn't going to take the usual, is she peeing, pooping and gaining weight questioning. Because she was doing all of those things, but in a lot less frequency than she had been and as far as gaining weight - she's up 0.2 lb, then down 0.2 lb, then up 0.4 lb, etc, etc. She isn't drastically losing weight, but she wasn't gaining by leaps and bounds either. And it was more than just how much she was eating - it was her behavior: the crying, the arching of her back, her general unhappiness with eating!

In the end, I decided to request for our pediatrician to call my cell phone anytime after 3pm so I could talk to her and I left a message for the feeding clinic to just leave a message on my voice mail. By noon that day the nurse at the feeding clinic had called me back and said they had Meredith on the schedule for a swallow study and upper GI Xrays, followed by a clinical feeding evaluation - on the following Wednesday. I immediately felt better, at least I was doing something to try and figure out what was going on!

My pediatrician did end up calling me that evening and we discussed what was going on. She's very laid back, which is probably good for me. She has never been all that concerned about Meredith's eating, though she is perfectly willing to humor me in my quest to correct it. We decided to try Meredith on Prilosec (a stronger reflux med). And then I told her about the swallow study appt and she was interested in seeing what we found. She didn't necessarily think Meredith has bad reflux, but didn't know what else could be the problem. I just wanted to rule out a physiological swallowing or reflux problem and then get an expert's opinion on her sucking and swallowing.

She had another weird day on Friday, eating only a couple of ounces every couple of hours. Then - all of the sudden on Saturday morning, Meredith took 4 oz, then the next few bottles she finished (between 4.5 and 5.5 oz). And now, ever since then she's taking between 5 and 6.5 oz a bottle 6 times a day. So what the heck changed? I have NO idea. We had given her the Prilosec for the first time Friday, but that usually takes days to a few weeks to really exert it's effects. She was and still is stuffy with snot and has a cough. Maybe she's a little less stuffy, I don't know.

The weekend was great. She was in a good mood when she was awake, was taking good naps, finishing her bottles - peeing and pooping up a storm and sleeping pretty restfully at night! It's amazing how much happier I am when she's doing well! We even started her on rice cereal for the first time Sunday night. And I would have to say she did better than I expected. She sat in her high chair and kind of opened her mouth. A lot of cereal came out of her mouth and I'm not sure how much she actually ate - but she didn't cry or fuss. Eventually, she stopped enjoying sitting in the high chair - so we were done. Now we've done rice cereal for 3 nights and it's going about the same, which is okay with me. I do still give her 4 oz in her bottle first (since that's where she still will be getting her calories and nutrients until she's spoon feeding well). I just want her to get used to the spoon and then maybe I'll cut her bottle back hoping she'll eat more cereal? We'll see!

So, after seeing that she did well at daycare on Monday with her bottles and after discussing it with Jon - we basically decided to cancel the Feeding Clinic appt for now. I did call the nurse practioner to get her opinion and she agreed that for now, maybe things will stay better. But if we have problems again in the future, we may end up doing it anyway. I went back and forth in my mind on whether or not to just do it. But it wasn't going to be a completely benigh test - they would've had to shove a tube down Meredith's nose and into her stomach. And we also had to consider the cost of paying our deductible and then 20% of the cost after that.

Yesterday afternoon after daycare Meredith had a meltdown when I was trying to feed her. I almost called the clinic back and put the appt back on. But I ended up getting Meredith to eat her bottle after changing her diaper and swaddling her. I think she was just tired, hungry, upset, poopy - all the same time. She continued to be fussy all evening, but still ate her bottles normally. I'm hoping she was just tired and had some diaper rash that was bothering her. She also decided to wake up for the day at 3:45 this morning. Luckily, Jon was already planning on bringing her to daycare this morning so I could take the day off. I tried to get Meri back to sleep, but ultimately just got her up, got her dressed, fed her and got her in her carseat for Jon and then I headed back to bed for a few hours. I can't tell you how valuable my sleep is to me. I need a day or two in the week to get a few extra hours of sleep! And now I have a few hours to get some errands down. I'm actually getting my oil changed right now and then have a few more errands to run before I pick Meredith up at daycare.

I hope that things continue to go well. I need a break from my own anxiety, it's very exhausting! This weekend Jon is leaving us, once again. He's going to Florida for another conference - so Meredith and I are heading down for a quick trip to Blue Earth. I hope all is well with everyone. I'm looking forward to life settling down a little and the weather getting better. And I hope to be making more plans to see friends and family now that Jon will be around a bit more and his call will lighten up for the next few months!

I'll get some pics added of her and her rice cereal eating when I get a chance!

5 Months Old and Our Trip to Mexico

Well, we're back from sunny Mexico. That's right, Jon and myself decided to be brave and took our 5 month old to Mexico for a 5 day, 4 night "vacation"! Let's just say, we probably will not be bringing a baby on another "vacation" again, at least not without some extra help....

Even before Meredith was born I had the idea that Jon and I were going to go on a sunny vacation with the baby sometime in the winter months. I am a very anxious person about a lot of things, but traveling isn't really one of them. So, when Meredith was only a few weeks old - Jon and I made it to the DMV with her to get her a passport, we both had to be there in order to do this. It wasn't easy to get her passport photo at that time and she looks nothing like her photo!

I had already taken a random week off in February, so by early January I was like - boy we need to either book this vacation or forget about it. So, I did a little research myself, but like most things these days I realized I had very little time to poke around on the internet, so I ended up emailing a travel agent we've used periodically since our honeymoon and told her what I wanted to do. She was very helpful and suggested a resort that specifically caters to families with infants. Within a week, we decided to just book the darn trip - it would be an adventure, right?

The resort was on the beach just south of Cancun and was called, Azul Beaches. It was all-inclusive and had many amenities that you would need for an infant - infant baths, baby monitors, bottle warmers, bottle sterilizers, cribs, pack and plays, strollers, toys, baby food, and even available baby-sitters (for an extra charge). And for whatever reason we were able to get first class tickets for the way down and had an empty seat in between us for the way back. After much consideration we did decide to bring our own stroller and car seat, as well as our Baby Bjorn - all of which came in very handy!

So we left early Wednesday morning, taking a cab to the airport using our own carseat. We didn't get there very early, so we basically checked in, went through security and then once we got to the gate, they were already boarding. We were able to check both our stroller and car seat at the gate - for no extra charge (Delta was awesome with that, our friends took their baby to AZ through United Airways and said they would charge them to check the stroller and car seat!).

I had a stewardess warm up a bottle for me for the take off, but Meri was fussing quite a bit during the taxi and I ended up giving her the bottle before we even took off (and by goodness, she ate the whole thing - making me very happy). Then she took her pacifier and her ears didn't seem to bother her at all as we made the ascent. During the flight she fussed on and off, which was made harder by the fact that turbulence made it so the fasten seat belt sign was on nearly the whole flight. We were able to finally swaddle her and get her to sleep in my arms a couple of times, but she was her usually fussy self and cried on and off and we constantly needed to entertain her. Definitely not a relaxing flight.

Getting to the hotel was fine, we had a private shuttle. And check-in was fine, though I did kind of upset about the original room they wanted to give us because it was so far from everything and so small I couldn't imagine where they would've put the crib - so they eventually gave us a closer room that was bigger and already had a crib and all the other infant amenities in it that we needed.

The rest of Wednesday was just unpacking, napping, eating and going to bed. Thursday morning we got up early with Meri (and we all have to get up when she gets up since we're all in the same room - adding to the lack of relaxation.....). We had generally had a good day that day. Meri seemed happy, was finishing all of her bottles. It was a little hard to coordinate when and where she'd sleep for her naps. In the mornings I would often take a nap with her since we were waking up between 6am and 7am to give her first bottle. But then we wanted to get in the sun. So, we were able to set it up so we had our stroller fully reclined, we swaddle her, got her to sleep in the stroller and then put her in the shade near us, so we could lay in the sun and read - those few hours a day when she slept in the stroller and I laid in the sun - were definitely the best part of my vacation. But when she was awake we had to hang out in the shade with her and entertain her. One of the days we had a covered bed cabana on the beach. It was nice because we could lay her down on it and play with her, but then Jon and I didn't get any sun, even when she was asleep. Plus since it was on the beach - all of us ended up with sand all over us. The other two days we hung out by the pool, Jon and I had beach chairs in the sun and Meri was in her stroller in the shade. When she woke up though, I pulled my chair into the shade and did my best to entertain her.

At lunch and breakfast, Jon and I generally took turns eating and holding her. There was a breakfast buffet in the restaurant, so we went in together to eat and took turns holding her while each other ate. Then at lunch they had a buffet on the beach and one of us would eat first and then take her to the room to feed her so the other person could then eat. In the late afternoons we either hung out in our room or we went on walks with the Bjorn and the baby on the beach on a couple of days.

Dinner was a bit more tricky because there were no buffet style meals, only a la carte. And the restaurant didn't open until 7pm which was always about the time Meri eats and she typically goes to bed around 8pm. So the first night we fed Meri at the table while we ate and all went back to the room by 8pm and spent the rest of the night there, boring! Then the second night we decided to get a sitter so Jon and I could enjoy ourselves. We fed Meri and left at 7:30pm and were back by 10:30pm. All she had to do was swaddle her and put her to bed. Jon and I went to one of the two nicer restaurants and then watched their Circus Show before getting back to our room at 10:30pm. Meri was sleeping soundly when we returned and the babysitter said she did great! The third night, Friday night, we ended up feeding Meredith and then swaddling her, placing her in the stroller and she slept soundly while Jon and I ate dinner. It was perfect except I noticed a few mosquitos landing on her face. So I ended up covering her up to keep the bugs away. Then we headed back to the room and put her in the crib and enjoyed a few drinks on our patio as she slept. The final night we decided to get a babysitter once again and Jon and I went to the other nicer restaurant at the resort. We then headed to the their Tequila bar for a few drinks before relieving the babysitter at 10:30pm. Meri was happily sleeping when we got back, but the babysitter said she cried for a good 20 minutes before finally falling asleep! Poor Meri and poor babysitter. Don't worry, we tipped her well (actually the next morning I noticed a $20 in my purse that I'm pretty sure was supposed to go to the babysitter - so Jon found the guys that headed up the Kids Club and told him to pass it along to our babysitter!).

So, the resort was nice and it was certainly nice to have those baby things available. Though the bottle warmer was pretty slow, so we ended up using hot water from the tap to warm the bottles. We never used the sterilizer either, I had brought a bottle brush and Dawn liquid soap. The baby monitor didn't seem to work very well either, it's range was pretty low. But the infant bath was necessary and we used it every day and the crib was nice too (as was the babysitter service!). I definitely think I would want a place with a buffet available at every meal though, it would just be easier for quick meals when Meri's being fussy, but we're still hungry. And I think Jon and I came to the conclusion that we won't be bringing a baby so young on vacation in the future, at least not unless we bring our parents to help. I would say our vacation was only okay. There were so nice times (when Meri napped and we laid in the sun and when we had babysitters) and there were some unhappy and stressful times - like when she was hysterical on the plane rides.

But the biggest problem and anxiety happened when on Friday, Meredith started to go on another "hunger strike". She had been doing so well at daycare and on both Wednesday and Thursday with us - at least nearly finishing all of her bottles - taking between 4 and 5.75 oz of formula 6 to 7 times a day. Then, all of the sudden, on Friday she was back to taking 2 to 3 oz and throwing a fit after and while she ate. She'd be fussy, acting like she's hungry and then she'd take an ounce or 2 and then just stop. She'd continue to fuss, but then refuse the rest of the bottle. Sometimes after a good long break, she'd take another ounce, but it - once again, became a huge ordeal. When she's like this, she's just generally more fussy all around and doesn't sleep as soundly at night - which in turn makes me not sleep well either. I mean, I'm up almost every hour giving her pacifier and sometimes am up with her for an hour as she restlessly sucks (and spits out) her pacifier.

Now we're home and we may have found a temporary reason for this "hunger strike". I was at work on Tuesday and had called my daycare a few times to check in and they said she was only taking a couple ounces at a time and sleeping a lot, and was very stuffy (which I already knew). Well, then by 12:30pm they called and said she had a temp! 101 axillary (so they add a degree - so she was 102). Darn it! Jon was able to go and pick her up and I am currently home with her today. Her fever has come down and was only 99.9 this morning, so hopefully she'll be going back to daycare tomorrow (as I don't have too many vacation days left!). And she is now eating 2.5 to 3.5 oz every 3 hours today. She's still pretty sleepy and her output has decreased significantly - but she has her happy and awake times and she still is eating, peeing and pooping - though a lot less than usual. I am hoping as this illness passes, her appetite will perk up again - but if not, I've already contacted the Feeding Clinic at Children's hospital and the first step they would do is a swallow study with Upper GI Xrays. So, I think we may be setting that up for a few weeks from now and only cancelling them if things get tons better!

Oh and Little Miss Meredith is now 5 months old! I'll add in a few of her happenings....

- She is SO much more alert in her environment. She loves bright toys and puts everything in her mouth

-She is loving her Exersaucer, at least for up to 20 minutes or so - she seems to have a progression: sleep, wake, eat, in vibrating chair, lay on activity mat, play in Exersaucer- then time for a nap. She lets me know when it's time to move on to the next activity by starting to fuss!

- She is starting to stay awake and happy for a bit longer. She can be up for 1.5 to 2 hours before she gets really tired and she then takes hour to 1.5 hour long naps.

-She still sleeps pretty well at night, minus often frequent trips to replace the pacifier. I am so ready to let her cry it out, but I want her formula intake to become reasonable before I put her through that....

- She's experimenting with making noises and has definitely found her voice, sometimes squealing in delight, so loud you would think we were hurting her!

- She's still not a big fan of tummy time, but has in fact rolled over from tummy to back on a few occasions. I'm pretty sure she'll end up being one of those babies who never crawl, but instead go right to walking. She loves "standing" while I balance her. Her legs are incredibly strong!

Meredith spent a lot of time sleeping and hanging out in her stroller. It worked really well! Here she is in her cute sun hat!

A family walk on the beach with Meredith in the Bjorn. It worked great this day because it was slightly overcast. Two days later we tried to do the same thing, but the darn sun was out in full force and Meredith was not a fan of the sun in her eyes. But here she's smiling!

Meri hanging out on our King size bed in our hotel room. We spent a lot of time here, napping, playing, etc. Some day I want to have a King size bed at home....

Happy Hour with Meredith at the bar!

Having a cocktail on our patio!

Meri hanging out in her stroller, again!

Hanging out in our covered cabana!

We had just attempted to put Meri in the pool, but she was not a fan of the cold water. So, now we're back at the cabana, sans swimsuit!

As I mentioned before, Meri was not a fan of the sun in her eyes, so I borrowed her my sunglasses. I told her some adults actually wear sunglasses that are this big on them, too!

Drama, drama, drama

Well, I'm sure some of you have seen my Facebook updates, but for those who haven't, I will fill you in.... Jon finally got home from Peru on Friday. After operating Monday through Friday last week, he went with a group of 12 other people from the mission trip to Machu Picchu. And due to torrential rains, there were mudslides that took out the railroad tracks - which is the only way off the mountain. Originally on Sunday morning, Jon emailed me to say that he may be delayed getting out of Cusco, but it shouldn't affect his leaving Lima. But then on Monday morning I got another email saying that he now wasn't sure when he was going to be able to get to Cusco to fly home. He and thousands of other tourists were stuck in a small tourist village near Machu Picchu, Aguas Calientes, and the only way to get to Cusco (where there is an airport), was by train - and the tracks were blocked by the mudslides. So the Peruvian government had to evacuate everyone via helicopter. I hadn't heard much from Jon except that he didn't know when he'd get home, but he was safe and though he didn't have electricity at first - they had plenty of food and water.

Jon finally was able to call me from someone's satellite phone and was telling me that things were very unorganized and there was only one helicopter coming very infrequently and people were starting to get upset and very anxious about the situation. Jon happened to be with 12 other people that were involved with the mission, including two anesthesiologists that I work with. And these two anesthesiologists were supposed to be in Lima on Monday to help with the anesthesia end of the mission. There were supposed to be running 3 ORs in Lima, but only had one CRNA (which is what I am) - and so there were surgeons and patients, but not enough anesthesia providers to do what everyone came to do. So, the tour guide was trying to use this information to get Jon and the rest of the group from the Medical Mission evacuated quicker - which never ended up working. Also, the American Embassy ended up getting involved and was planning on evacuating all the American tourists with American helicopters - but the Peruvians prevented that from happening because they were worried about other tourists and locals rioting because they weren't be evacuated like the Americans were. So, then Jon was back to waiting.

Eventually they decided to evacuate according to age - the very old and very young first. Jon was in one of the last age groups to be evacuated. Finally, this morning (Thursday morning) - Jon texted me (yep - for some reason his text messaging worked in Peru?!) a picture of him on the helicopter, telling me he was on his way to Cusco. He is currently in Lima and will be back home by noon tomorrow!! It has been a long 4 days - with the uncertainty and the mixed reports I was reading on the internet. Some reports mentioning near riot conditions and decreasing supplies of water and food, as well as the still dangerous river surrounding the town. Other reports also were claiming that there were multiple helicopters and that the Americans were helping with the evacuation - but, according to Jon, the Peruvians weren't allowing any other countries to help - though there had many offers - because they didn't want to appear as though they weren't in control of the situation.

At any rate, that drama is finally over and Jon has returned - after 2 weeks being gone from home - an I have to say, I am SO glad that he is home, for many reasons. Mostly, being a single mom is quite hard. It is doable - but very hard. I have no idea how single mother's do it!!

And I have to say the first week Jon was gone - besides the stress of the first weekend I've already mentioned - Meredith was pretty much a complete angel. But the four days I was in Blue Earth were very difficult. This was the case because I did finally decide to stop breastfeeding. The stress of finding time to pump and bottle feed while Jon was gone (both because of this trip, but also in general because of his demanding call schedule and frequent evening commitments) was getting a bit too much for me. I know I had 4 days off in a row and the I would be around family for help with the transition - so I decided to take advantage of the situation -though it was a bit earlier than I otherwise would've done.

So, on Thursday night when I got to Blue Earth I added 2 oz of formula to 4 oz of breastmilk. My mom gave her the bottle with no problems. I did this again at 10pm that night, and she still took most of the bottle without problems. But then the next morning I gave her a bottle at 10am and she was very fussy about it and only took about half of her normal amount in twice the time. Even so, I thought it was probably a bit of a fluke and decided to commit to quitting cold turkey starting that afternoon. Bottles from that point on were a battle. There was a lot of crying, throwing her head back, baiting and switching with her pacifier, walking and feeding. It was a 6 times a day battle. Thankfully, my mom, stepdad and sister helped me with some of the feedings. On top of this, I got pretty darn sick from stopping breastfeeding. I had sweats and nausea, aches and general malaise. I was basically a pile of poo on Saturday. But I did have a hair appointment, which I went to. Unfortunately, I ended up puking in her garbage can. But by the evening I was feeling a little better and by Sunday morning I only really felt tight and moderately painful in the my chest.

What made all of this worse was the fact that Meredith was NOT happy about the formula. After the first two bottles with 2 oz formula and 4 oz breastmilk - she started crying almost immediately when we started to feed her. This went on all weekend long. She would take a few sucks and then start crying hysterically. We would be persistent and continue to offer her the bottle, we'd walk and feed her, put her in the vibrating chair to feed her. This went on for nearly an hour every time and often she would only take 2 or 3 oz. She was still mostly happy in between feedings and still napped and slept at night, though more restlessly. I almost starting pumping several times, but my family just encouraged me to give it time, especially since I had come that far and felt so sick - I knew I didn't want to go through that again.

On Monday, I brought Meredith to my sister's for the last feeding before I went back to the Cities and she put up a big fight and only ate 1.5 oz. I was so upset, I ended up calling both my pediatrician and the lactation consultant. The nurse at the pediatrician's office said what everyone else said, she'll eat when she's hungry.. Well just to see, I decided to just offer her plain breastmilk to see if she'd take it - and she didn't want that either. So, before I dumped them both down the drain, I smelled them both - and the plain breastmilk almost smelled fishy?! Well, since she wasn't taking the plain breastmilk, I decided it didn't make sense to start pumping again. So, I packed Meredith up and headed home. As luck would have it, I ended up driving through a blizzard to get home. I just felt like nothing more could go wrong, seriously! From Blue Earth to Mankato on 169 it was near white-out conditions, but I have very little vacation and frankly I needed to bring Meredith to daycare so I could get a break! I drove very carefully and slowly. Once I reached Mankato - the visibility and roads got much better. We did get back safe and sound.

Once we got home, I warmed up a bottle of 3 oz formula, 3 oz breastmilk with a bit of apple juice in it to sweeten it up, which I had tried in several other bottles - but this time, she drank every last drop! She must've finally gotten hungry enough. She drank 5 or 6 oz from her next bottle too. I ended up getting a call back from the lactation consultant and she gave me some good info. I mentioned the fishy smell to my frozen and thawed breastmilk and she said that it could be due to the proteins that can break down from the freezing and thawing of the milk. It can sometimes give the milk a funny taste and smell and though it's still safe to give to the baby, some babies really don't like it!

The next day at daycare it apparently was quite a struggle. They were only able to get her to eat a couple ounces and couple of times. So, one of the infant providers asked if I'd want her to try just formula, so I said, sure! Well, when I got there to pick her up they said she sucked the bottle down without a fuss. She had 3 oz right before I picked her up at daycare and when I got home she was sucking on her pacifier so hard and intermittenly crying, I decided to warm up 4 more oz of formula - and she sucked that down. And since then, we've had relatively few problems. She still easily distractable and sometimes only takes 2 or 3 oz, but she doesn't cry when she's fed. I'm also increasing the nipple size right now to see if she'll eat more, and with the last bottle, she took 6 oz (versus 2.5 oz at 7:30am). In retrospect, it could've been the frozen and thawed breastmilk that Meredith disliked so much. Thinking back to when we were having trouble with her taking bottles, that was mostly frozen and thawed milk - but at daycare it had always been freshly pumped! Well, live and learn.

I still wish she'd be more predictable in how much she was eating. She can act hungry and then only take 2 or 3 oz, but at other times I can get her to take 5 or 7 oz. I still have to give her rest periods and do the bait and switch with her pacifier - but I was doing all this with bottles of breastmilk too. I just would be happier if she took 5 or 6 oz every 3 to 4 hours, which is what her weight and age would say would be what she should be eating. She should have 2 to 2.5 oz of formula or breastmilk in a 24 hour period. Well, she's 14 lbs now so she should have minimum 28 oz and max 35 oz, but she has been taking in a little less, like yesterday it was more like 22 oz. I don't know how obsessed I should be about this, it's hard for me not to be. The last bottle she got this morning with the medium flow nipple, she took almost 6 oz in 10 minutes - so maybe this will be the answer, only time will tell....

Enough of that! So, Jon has been home since Friday afternoon! And I actually ended up having my sister Jillian come up and stay with me starting Thursday night. On Thursday I still didn't know when Jon would get home and I was feeling very lonely and overwhelmed, so I decided to call my youngest sister - who just so happens to be unemployed at the moment and asked if she wouldn't mind coming up to help me and keep me company - and she graciously agreed. She was here on Thursday when I got home from work and was such a big help. It felt so good just to have someone else around! At this point Jon had been helicoptered to Cusco and was arranging for his flights back home. Jill stayed on Friday and picked Jon up from the airport and then she even stayed one more night so she could babysit Meredith and Jon and I went out to dinner at Bar La Grassa! It was SO nice. The food was great and it was just nice to catch up with my husband!

The next morning Jon woke up with Meredith and let me sleep in, I was more like in and out of sleep obsessing about Meredith's eating and sleeping habits! But it was nice nonetheless. Jon and Jillian then make brunch while I fed Meri another bottle. After brunch, Jillian left, I was so thankful for the help she gave us, THANKS JILL!! Jon and I haven't done much else this weekend, which is fine with me. I went grocery shopping yesterday while Jon watched Meri and today Jon is on call, so he's been gone most of the morning. I have very little on my agenda today and am looking forward to my upcoming week with my husband and daughter.

I work the next two days and have Wednesday off. I'm planning on having Meredith go to daycare that day so that I can take a day to sleep and maybe get a massage, I'm very excited. And in a week and a half, we're all headed to Mexico!!

Sorry this was so long, but there really was a lot to tell! I hope everything is well with everyone who reads this and I am SO glad that the drama is finally OVER!

Here are some random recent pics of Miss Meri..... (and a couple from Jon's trip to Peru)

Meredith in one of her new favorite spots - the exersaucer!

Down in Blue Earth, cousin Madison holding Meri

Cousin Brooks and Meredith playing on the activity mat together

Meredith getting a bath yesterday after a huge poop blowout (which are becoming the norm with formula - and they're green and clay-like - what's up with that?)

This is the River in Aguas Calientes in Peru - and the major reason why Jon was stuck there, the river is so full and violent that it's cutting into it's banks where the railroad tracks are and the railroad tracks have fallen into the river and several places (as well as mudslides have take out the tracks and covered them in places too)= no way out!

Here the river is cutting into the river bank and these buildings are crumbling in!

This is the town center where hundreds of stranded tourists are gathering awaiting to be choppered out

Jon finally is assigned a group number for his chopper out

He gets to the chopper pad

He's finally out of Machu Pichu after 4 days of waiting

Is the fussiness over?!

Well, I am happy to report that I am even contemplating asking myself, is the fussiness over? Literally, starting the end of last week, I feel like a switch just went off and Meredith is all of the sudden a much happier baby!! She is smiling all the time and loves sucking on her hands and reaching and grabbing things hanging from her activity mat or her bouncy chair. She is just being so much fun all of the sudden. Don't get me wrong, she still can fuss and just want to be held, but she seems content just sitting on my lap, instead of needing to be in constant motion. All I have to say is, this is the happy baby I have always dreamed of!

All of this is coming at a perfect time, because my hubby is MIA, in Peru for 12 days to operate. He left last Friday afternoon and will be returning in a week (next Tuesday). I have to say, I feel like we're doing well, all things considered. Last Saturday night until Sunday afternoon was a bit overwhelming, but only because I tried to get too much done in too little time. On Saturday I decided to run errands with Meredith, and for some reason I ended up buying way too much, and way too many heavy and bulky items - like dog food, litter, diapers, frozen dinners, etc. And when I got home I suddenly realized, I would have to be the one to bring every thing into the house and put it all away! Well, if that wasn't bad enough I had less than 2 hours to do that, feed Meredith, pump, get her down for a nap and get ready for a party we were going to! Needless to say, I was stressed, Meri didn't end up going down for a nap, and we were late for the party, but we did get where we planned on going - which was the Plastic Surgery Department Christmas Party. For some reason I thought it would be fun to go with Meredith, even though Jon was gone. And I have to say, it wasn't that much fun. I did know a handful of people, but there were a lot of their office staff and PAs that I had never met and who didn't know me at all. And because I wasn't that familiar with the other party goers, I didn't feel comfortable asking for help - so I basically hauled Meri around all night, trying to figure out how to eat, go to the bathroom, warm up her bottles, feed her, change her, etc all by myself. I know if Jon had been there, it would've been much more fun - oh well. Meredith ended up falling asleep in her carseat just as I was about to leave, so I took advantage and sat down and relaxed for awhile before heading out - which meant we didn't get home until 11pm and not to bed until after midnight... Then the next morning I was supposed to attend a friend's 2 year old's birthday party at 10am. Meri did decide to get up by 8am, but between pumping, feeding her and a bit of play time, I didn't think we'd make it. Meri went down for a nap at 10am, giving me some time to get myself ready and then I decided to throw her in her carseat and make a go for it. We were there by 11:30am and I was so glad I went. It was almost the total opposite of the night before - tons of babies, space, food and friendly people offering their help and praises! It really raised my spirits and I felt totally comfortable and happy! And it was great seeing some friends I hadn't seen in awhile and meeting a few new friendly people! Then it was off to my Uncle Bob's to watch the Viking's game and hang out with my aunts and uncles! I originally was a bit worried about being gone from home so long and how Meri would do - but she did great! She got her bottles, I found time to pump, she took a great nap on my uncle's guest bed and I had my aunt's to help me with her. I didn't get home until 7pm, but I was well fed and felt happy and relaxed after having such a fun and low stress day with family and friends!

And so far this week, I'm getting to work on time in the mornings. I have to get up by 4:45 am, but I then have time to get myself ready, feed Meredith and get her ready and out the door by 5:45am. It's a lot easier with Jon's help, and I'd get a bit more sleep with him around - but it hasn't been that bad. And the evenings, as I mentioned above - have been pretty fun. I've started trying to get Meredith on a nap and bedtime schedule and so far, I've been successful. We get home around 3:30 or 4pm and play until she eats around 4;30 to 5pm - then she naps until no later than 7pm (I wake her up if I have to) - then we play and she eats again around 7:30pm. Then by about 8:15 to 8:30 we start her bedtime routine - lotion, change into PJs, read "Goodnight Moon", swaddle, then in her crib with her mobile on. It usually doesn't take long and her eyes are closed. Sometimes she stirs and fusses and I have to come up and put her pacifier in her mouth - but not always. Then around 10 to 10:30pm, I do a "dream feed". I pick her up out of her crib with her eyes closed, put a bottle in her mouth and she eats. She never opens her eyes and I don't do anything else like change her diaper or even burp her. I just let her eat until she's full and then put her back to bed. And so far - knock on wood - she then sleeps through the night until I get her up to do her only breastfeeding of the day at 5am (she gets all bottles that I've pumped the rest of the day). This schedule has only been going on a little over a week - but I'm hopeful. I'm also concerned at how early she wakes up on my days off, since she's used to getting up around 5am on my work days. I have 4 days off in a row starting on Friday- so we'll see how that goes!

I do have Friday through Monday off this week, at my request, so I can go down to Blue Earth. I'm looking forward to the extra hands and help - as well as just seeing my family in general - though packing is taking me every night this week so far and I still probably won't get it into my car until after work on Thurs because I have to come home to pick up my dog after work before heading home! I have an appointment to get my hair done and a date planned with my best high school girlfriend on Saturday night. It'll be fun! Though I do have one not so fun plan for the weekend.... I think I may stop breastfeeding. I know this subject is very charged, so I hope I don't offend or bother anyone - but I think I'm ready to stop. I've been exclusively pumping and bottle feeding Meredith for over 2 weeks now and it's actually going pretty well. But it is a huge time commitment and it get's a bit challenging when Jon's gone - which isn't just now, but also when he gets home late in the evenings or is on call on the weekends. I actually pumped while I drove on Sunday (I hooked up while parked, used a hooter hider, it was completley hands free....) and I'm pumping right now! I also am worried at how painful quitting may be and think having several days off of work in a row may be helpful - as well as being around my family so they can help with Meredith. We actually had her 4 month appointment this afternoon and I discussed this possibility with her pediatrician and she didn't give me a guilt trip at all. So, I plan on starting to mix formula in with breastmilk tomorrow and stop pumping on Friday - we'll see how it all goes!?

Speaking of her 4 month appointment - yep Meredith is 4 months old. She is 13 lb 11 oz and 23 inches long. The pediatrician says we can start baby cereal anytime and then slowly can start introducing other fruits and veggies as tolerated! I can't believe it. I think I'll do formula and get that established for a few weeks and then start rice cereal for a few weeks and just see how that goes. I'm excited to feed Meredith with a spoon - I'm sure there will be a lot of good pics!

There have been a lot of changes lately, but most for the good. She is definitely starting to be super fun. I wish I could be home with her more. Here are some of her 4 month old happenings....

- She is smiling so much more and giggles when I tickle her and sometimes even when I talk to her or kiss her

-She loves laying under her activity mat and grabbing the monkey or giraffe and putting them in her mouth.

-She likes to spend a little time in her Exersaucer- I can see it quickly becoming her favorite place

- She's starting to like tummy time. She's getting a lot more upper body strength, so she can look around and work her arms and legs.

- She is getting close to rolling over - when laying on her back to arches her back and swings her legs around - she ends up on her side, but hasn't quite figured out how to get to her tummy- though I'm not sure she'd find that preferable.

-She's eating like a little piggy. Now that she's bottle fed, I can see what she's eating. And after a few weeks of gradually increasing how many ounces I give her - she's now being offered 6 oz of breast milk 6 times a day and often eats them all, as well as 1 breastfeeding session. I think she may even eat more than 6oz sometimes, but she remains happy between feedings and I don't want to over do it!

-We've started the transition to the crib. She's been napping in it since mid-December, but only since the last couple weeks I've been brave enough to put her in there overnight - and so far - so good.

I'm sure I'm forgetting a bunch of new fun stuff - but I should feed Meri and head to bed. I hope all is well with everyone and I'll update soon if I can!

Getting into New Routines?!

Once again, I apologize for my lack of blogging. I feel like since I've been back to work, I'm not getting much done besides the necessities. I'm hoping eventually I'll find more time for myself as we all get used to our new schedules.

It's been almost 2 weeks since my last blog entry and there have been several changes and events. The first event was New Year's Eve and really, it was a non-event. As I believe I mentioned before, Meredith was starting to get a cold right around Christmas. Well, she passed that cold onto both Jon and I and all three of us were pretty out of commission on New Year's Eve. Jon had a low-grade fever and nausea, I had a sore throat, stuffy nose and just plain exhaustion and Meredith had her stuffy nose and cough. We ended up watching a movie at home and getting into bed by 10:30pm. It was probably the first New Year's Eve since I was a child that I wasn't up at midnight... oh well, such is the life of new parents! It was a real bummer because we actually had 3 different social events we could've gone to. And I spoke with everyone who had gone to those parties and they all sounded like they would've been fun. Maybe next year!

The rest of that weekend we did very little. It was cold outside and we were all doing our best to rest and recuperate, in hopes that we'd start feeling better very soon. I did do one fun thing that weekend, I went to our annual traditional Bennies holiday party. A good friend of mine, Mindy, has had a group of about 8 to 10 of us college friends over every year to her house for a holiday party. I was still pretty tired and very stuffed up, but I had been looking forward to going out and socializing, as well as seeing all my girlfriends, literally for months - so I wasn't going to miss it. Luckily, Jon had been feeling better, so I took many drugs and had a cup of caffeinated tea and headed on over. It was very nice to see everyone and also to have some adult only socialization. We had great food, great drinks and great conversation. I got home around 11pm and Jon had, once again, successfully put Meredith to bed!

And so far this weekend we have been able to do one fun social activity. Last night, Friday night, we finally saw the house my cousin Jessica and her husband Paul moved into in November. They had a housewarming party and we all went over to celebrate with them. Most of my extended family was also there - aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. The house was actually bought and renovated by my aunt and uncle (not Jessica's parents, but our Aunt Kate and Uncle David). Jessica and Paul are currently renting the house, but intend on buying if all the paperwork goes through. It's near the U of M and Como area and it's absolutely beautiful. As usual, seeing someone else's home, makes me dream of my future dream home, ahhh.... someday! It was a lot of fun seeing the family and Meredith got a lot of attention. She actually did very well. Had a bottle there and then was passed around for awhile before getting pretty fussy. Then we just swaddled her and put her on our cousin's bed to sleep until we were ready to leave. This seems to be the trick these days - if she's been fed and changed and is still fussy - we just swaddle her and get her to sleep!

Now, general news. Well, I've been back to work now for three weeks and last week was my first week working 4 days and I have to say - I'm not a fan. I do love my job and I do actually enjoy work. But by the time I leave work, pick up Meredith and get home, it's 4pm. I feel like in my evenings I'm feeding Meredith, putting her down for naps, packing up for work and daycare the next day, finding time to shower and eat supper and maybe take a nap in the early evening and that is pretty much my day. Maybe it's also that I've been extra tired because of my cold and that Jon has started his rotation at Region's hospital and is busier, but I just find it all so depressing. I also think the winter with it's short days and freezing cold temps aren't making things any better either. Also, Meredith's fussiness is still an issue. Don't get me wrong, she has her good days. But sometimes she's just woken from a nap, been changed, just ate and has been burped, but is still fussing. She's also started doing the whole back arching and throwing her body backwards thing. I know things will get better, I'm just already looking forward to March - Meredith will be approaching 6 months old (hopefully grown out of her fussiness), Jon will be back at the U of M (where call is much less busy) and the weather will be improving!

I've also, more or less, given up on breastfeeding. I'm mostly pumping and bottle feeding, even when I'm home. I still breast feed her in the middle of the night and early morning - when we're both tired - but I'm finding unless I take Meredith out of a deep sleep - she starts fussing and refusing to eat within 5 minutes of starting and I end up pumping and feeding her by bottle anyway. I think if I just plan on giving bottles and finding the time to pump, it's just less stressful - though a bit more work. We'll see how long I can keep this up!

But there are also good things going on with Meredith as well. I've recently figured out that she likes tummy time a lot more. I hadn't really been pushing the issue because I relished every moment that she was actually awake and happy and she had really hated tummy time earlier. But I just tried again last week and she has so much more head strength. She can really hold her head up and look around - it's so cute. Also, she has recently started giggling. Usually when she's laying on her changing table I can tickle her tummy and her chest and she smiles and giggles - it just melts my heart. She's also making a lot of noises. Cooing and ooing, it's so cute! And she definitely is getting more interactive. She loves laying under her activity mat and grabbing the hanging toys - it's amazing to watch! So despite some of the issues with feeding and fussiness - she brings us so much joy and happiness! We'll take a little of the bad with all this good. We do love her to pieces!

The last thing I want to mention is that over New Year's weekend we lost a dear loved one to her battle with cancer. My aunt Nita passed away at Southdale Hospital on Saturday. She had been diagnosed with lung cancer in May and ended up passing away due to infection and bleeding related to the tumor in her lungs. We were glad that we had recently been able to spend time with her over the holidays, but very, very sad to see her go so soon. The wake was on Tuesday and the funeral was on Wednesday. I just so happened to have Wednesday off and Jon was also post-call that day, so all 3 of us were able to attend both the wake and the funeral - they were both very beautiful. We will miss her very much!

Meredith is starting to like tummy time (well for short periods of time anyway!) and her head and neck are getting much stronger!

Spending time in her Bumbo

She loves hanging out and playing under her activity mat

Here is a video of Meredith giggling. It happens most often on her changing table when we tickle her!

Here are all us girls for our annual "Bennie" holiday party!

I even made it out for dinner with coworkers one night a few weeks ago!

Here's a video of Meredith during tummy time